So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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