Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
