ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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