Sry I called you an 8
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
