i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
