thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
