So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize