The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
