Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize