well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
