Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
