Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
