woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
