dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
