hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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