so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I skipped work to stalk him.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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