he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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