so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
