This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
