I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize