uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
