I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
