just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
