but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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