Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
