More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
