i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
