Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
