lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize