Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize