if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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