it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
