Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
