thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
