Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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