im six kinds of drunk right now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
