her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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