Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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