Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
