Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
