Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
