i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
