Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
