He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
