i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
