I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
