my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
