Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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