Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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