I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
