she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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