I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
