I am in a vortex of obligation.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
