Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
