the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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