Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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