so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
