Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
