i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
