Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
