While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
