I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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