Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
