What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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