Already got asked if we're dating
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
