you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
