Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
