At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
