yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
