Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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