Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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