White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
