i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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