I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
