Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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