even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
