Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
