It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How's work?
Spinning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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